I'm coming out

I'm coming out. It's October 11th, National Coming Out Day, and it's time that we had an honest discussion.

First things first -
National Coming Out Day was founded the year I was born, 1988, by a psychologist from New Mexico, Robert Eichberg and Los Angeles activist Jean O'Leary. This is a day that supports the discussion about what it means to be LGBT, the community, and the difficulty of "coming out" about your sexual orientation. Despite varying responses to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, and queer persons (I'm not sure what is preferred, but I have always included queer identity by tacking "Q" onto the end of the LGBT acronym - LGBTQ, however, Human Rights Campaign does not.), this day is observed in many countries around the world, thus solidarity is growing, despite the struggles and intolerance. By acknowledging the day, we also acknowledge the emotional experience of "coming out", encourage people to live openly, and begin moving towards societal and political changes. Thus, in honor of this day, I'm coming out.

I am a "straight ally" (haha) as Human Rights Campaign would coin folks who prefer heterosexual relationships. I'm telling the world this, because even though my sexual orientation is more readily accepted in my cultural context, I want to be open about it and bring awareness to the fact that while it is easy for me to say, "I am a straight female", many people do not have the luxury of being honest about their own identities or preferences for fear of judgment, violence, ostracism, nonacceptance, etc.

I said before embarking on this whole blogging operation, that I was a "habitual journaler", so making the transition from keeping my writing more or less private to opening it up to the public realm, has been a little bit of a feeling out process. The subtitle for my blog started as, "Hey, I never got an instruction manual for this", a title which I believed embodied my mindset at the time - a little confused, a little lost, and a little okay with the lack of real understanding for this whole "life" thing. Although I am sure of some things in my life, the types of people I prefer sexually and what types of food I like to eat (haha - always spicy!), I was unsure when I started writing, what I wanted with my blog, other than to share some of my experiences and work through foggy or transitional times in my life. I believed that blogging would serve as an outlet, similar to what my previous LiveJournal account provided for me (a place to vent, rant, gush, reflect, and grow), however, it seems that my plans to keep myself pretty well protected by walls, coupled with intricate methods of self armor and security, is less supported by public blogging (you can not keep some posts private and some posts public like you can with LiveJournal). Honesty. It is not always easy being honest with yourself. It is even harder being honest with people around you, especially when it comes to sensitive personal issues.

As you can see above, my subtitle has changed. My journal is what it was from the beginning: "A twenty something's story of staying 8 years old at heart while exploring as a teacher in Thailand and a student in life, love, health, and happiness." My life is constantly changing and I am continuously reevaluating what is important to me and what makes me, well, me.

Life is tumultuous. It is a little bit of a struggle sometimes. I'm learning about the issues that arise in my little personal bubble and I hope, through this blog, to connect with people regardless of differences in lifestyle, sexual orientation, or other labels and identities that separate us, but also unite us. It sounds cheesy, but I'm just working it out too. I might be able to be honest about the people I prefer sexually without risk of negative backlash, but I am learning to be honest with myself too, my blog, and the handful of people who may or may not read through the sometimes directionless lines that comprise this little blog I've got going.

Take a second to think today about National Coming Out Day and the experience of those around you. In Thailand, a "Kathoey" or ladyboy, is a man who dress as a woman and in many cases, undergoes medical treatments to "feminize". Thailand is unique in the sense that it is generally much more accepting of gay or transgendered individuals than western culture and as a result, it sometimes feels like ladyboys are everywhere - not an exception or a minority in the societal structure. There are beauty pageants, festivals, and bands - all consisting of or celebrating ladyboys. Even on the high school campus where I teach, we had ladyboys come and preform for the students. People talk about ladyboys openly; ladyboys are not shunned or demonized in the community setting. In fact, they are seen as integral to the Thailand cultural experience - and not just for photo ops. It is a level of acceptance that I never experienced in the conservative armpit of the United States (a.k.a. The Grand Canyon state - Arizona), nor had I considered it as an obtainable reality in modern society due to the hate crimes and harassment that seemed rampant on university campuses while I was a student.

I'm coming out. I'm working on honesty with myself and with those around me. Moreover, I am trying to empathize with those who struggle with this on a deeper level, in hopes that breaking down these walls will result in greater tolerance, love, and openness in our world at large. Happy National Coming Out Day.

For more information about National Coming Out Day -
http://lgbtq.gmu.edu/programs/nationalcomingoutday.php