Mr. Genuine

Flagstaff, Arizona is chock-o-block with colorful characters. Back in 2010, going out on a Wednesday night in that mountain town meant glitter, neon, and the expectation of seeing a plethora of "gingers", folks donning literal fox tails, and new age hippie types getting down to the get down. I went back to Flagstaff at the beginning of August, this year, and I felt right at home when I turned to a girl at the bar who resembled a cat due to her DIY cat face paint across her otherwise 80's inspired self. Characters. 

Stray from the ASU wannabe stream, shun Greek life, and embrace the character club that becomes Flagstaff's alternative bar scene; you'll get quite a taste of local culture. The character who all of my guys friends were hung up on when I was back at 7,000 feet was an individual who was just "soooo damn genuine". "Genuine in what way," was my question. "Just soooo damn genuine," was their resounding answer. "You'll know what we are talking about when you meet him," they told me. "The guy just oozes genuine-ness."
 
And, girls apparently, love it. (Which was most definitely why the guys proceeded into a full explanation of the "head tilt", direct eye contact, and slow, complimentary emotional tone of speaking which scores Mr. Genuine hot chicks in Flag, while my friends battle in snark-y conversations on the sidelines.) Disclaimer: Boys, if you are reading this, I totally love you and your snark-y selves.

I can see how it works, though. I mean, I don't need a guy who tilts his head to a near 45 degree angle when he holds my hand, looks into my eyes, and lathers on a nauseating layer of (Are you really being genuine?) genuineness, when he opens his mouth. However, the reason I'm explaining all of this is because I am being driven crazy by this dude, who I work with, who keeps trying to engage with me on that bickering word battle level that is just self-conscious-boy-flirting, but honestly, comparatively, I'm kinda wondering to myself - where the hell is a little straight talking genuine-ness? The thing is, most of my life, I've been in some little debate world, (literally) where as a member of the debate team, hanging out with debaters incessantly, my life became about nit-picking counter plans, arguing about the implication of words and economic policies, obsessing over fake-world bullshit and trivialities stemming from the Economist, and seeing this as a normal way of engaging with people. I looked for partners in friendship and in love who could 3-point an argument or at least didn't shy away from cynicism, political banter, or pretentious elitist debate game playing! Hah! Holy cow! 

However, I'm not the same girl I used to be. I don't get off on belittling patronizing or condescending quips that I used to see as confidence or the ability for a guy to "hold his own". I don't. I want to surround myself with those who prioritize respect for people, not a desperation to be "right". This guy talks down to me in front of others, then has the audacity to announce to me that he has to ask me a question, but he has to wait until after work...doesn't ask me right away, but lets it sit out there - hovering over our next handful of interactions, though he continues to make a big deal about needing to ask me a question. All of this makes me ultimately uncomfortable (Is he actually going to say something or are we about to share another weird silence due to the unresolved question mark that needs attending to? i.e. "Buck up, princess"), but then he doesn't ever get the courage to ask me out - just asks me about where to go and get a good beer - all while belittling me as an excuse to converse with me in our work place. Oh gosh - this is a rant. Tell us how you really feel, right?  

What I've come to realize is that though I'm interested in people's reading lists, I'm not trying to date you because of it. If you have a gift of gab and are quick on your feet, that's awesome, but the manner in which we speak should not leave me wounded by zingers. We live in a world where we underestimate the importance of making people feel comfortable; we say things to watch reactions and we test the water before we show our emotional selves. If head tilting and deep pools for irises are all part of some guy's "game", at least they result in an overdose of sincerity rather than the feeling of being put "on tilt" and needing to assert your intellect, as a justification for respect, before a dude will just buy you a beverage.

I like my brothers to be snark-y, but my threshold is all tapped out. I'm not down with getting to know folks through pissing contests and resume face-offs. I like comfort and characters. Hah! I like gingers, fox tails, uninhibited dancing, and if a guy tells me he used to be fat, I know I'll love him for life. It's because he probably doesn't realize how beautiful he is, but he's seen it all, and after all those years he didn't feel like a million dollars - he compensated by developing a stellar personality, unparalleled sense of humor, and an enormous heart. 

I'm not going to make assumptions about what is successful in relationships and dating, nor will I make blanket generalizations about what women want. I just know that we all can learn a lesson from Mr. Genuine. In a world so ready to blanket emotions with sarcasm and snark attacks, it's almost a novelty for a someone to put meaning behind a compliment. Honesty, with our emotions, requires a hell of a lot more confidence than intellectual sparring. Bravery is shown through wholeheartedness and is way more endearing than sucker punches.

In Flagstaff, the San Francisco peaks edge the town and they stand as tall, in many cases, as the walls around bleeding hearts.  So go on, maybe tilt your head a little, you know, it takes real confidence to just show you care.