L-O-V-E

What's that word? Love? Hah! I'm such a nerd, because when it comes to "love" - I can't stop talking about it. I love love! Life, traveling, meeting new people, positivity, life lessons, whatever - when it comes to this world, I'm a broken record about embracing it with love. And, when it comes to friendship - you might as well give me a megaphone - cause I'm on top of a mountain yelling my head off about the majesty of friendship! Oh, boy. Well, being a friend is no small feat and being a good friend and accepting loving people into your life is something that takes practice. I know I've worked extra hard over the last few years to be a better friend to those around me and luckily, as I've opened myself up more on this level, I've found the most amazing people have embraced me for it. Especially after I left for Thailand, I found that the family of friends that I had built around me was one of the most important parts of my life. I truly believe that friends are the family that you choose and I'm so psyched about that.

However, there's another part of love that makes me freaked out and sends me running in the other direction. It's romantic love. It's that butterfly infested feeling that I've been hiding under a rock from. Friendship love? Yes! Romance? Blah! I shunned romantic love, or more realistically, I refused to open myself up to it...at all. I remember a girl in Thailand asking me if I had been dating at all since arriving on that little honeymooner island and I responded by telling her that I had been on a date with myself. It sounded so lame, but it was true. I went to Asia and I holed up. I started an introspective journey and that was all I needed. I was an 8 year old for the entire time I was in paradise - I loved myself and learned about the world around me, but I wasn't ready to let my guard down in the slightest.

Then, I headed back to America, laughing to myself about how foreign it would feel to flirt in English. Hah! I felt all safe and such, because it wasn't like I realllllyyyy had to be in America. It was a reunion tour. I was going to show up in various American cities, give some high fives to old friends, and then peace out again to Asia before I really had to settle in to America living. Hah! That's what I thought. Quick. Emotionally painless. Easy.

In the incredible little city of Santa Fe, I met a boy and I thought he was great. Actually, I thought he was absolutely crazy. I thought we could be partners in crime and minus any real emotional sacrifice, we could paint the town red, and then we could go our separate ways when it came time for me to cruise on my way to Korea. What I didn't realize was that he was part ninja and part heart hijacker...and that I wouldn't be able to get my heart back that easily.

I never planned any of this to happen. I planned Korea. I planned leaving. I planned guarded Nicola and "can't tone down me!" That's what comprised my mental check list, but it didn't pan out...except when you find a partner in crime...you don't have to tone yourself down. Now, I'm learning about romantic love. I'm learning about what it means to give someone your heart and I'm learning to be wildly open and running towards a departure date with no regard for emotional destruction. It goes back to what I always say - life is impermanent and beautiful. People we surround ourselves with should bring out the best in us. And, though I'm a child with little delicate emotions, my life is more glorious because I know him and I can't shake this feeling of being lovesick and head over heels happy, even if I wanted to.