We all face challenges; we all struggle and need a helping hand from time to time. Luckily, Phil and I were incredibly blessed to receive assistance through our own transition. It made all of the difference to us and it reminded me that despite the magnitude of what we were dealing with, there were people just around the corner who were compassionate and willing to help in the transition. When it seemed as though everything was building into an impossible obstacle, (financially we were at our breaking point just two days before our move - our car broke down and it was going to cost more than what we had to get it repaired), people offered to give us rides, pick up moving boxes, aid in the move and even helped repair our bikes to get us mobile again. It made our move not only possible, but one of the easiest moving days, probably in the history of moving!
It wasn't easy and there were times when I felt hopeless and frantic, but we were persistent and eventually the storm subsided. I have to admit that it took every part of me to not outwardly lash out at...everyone...and certainly those who seemed bent on complicating our predicament further. I wanted so badly to be a sixteen-year-old girl and prank the shit out of my housemate. Haha! I really had dreams of supergluing everything in our house and mailing her milk stink bombs. I know! A part of me really wanted to make things as difficult for her as she had made things for us. However, every time I had these irrational thoughts, I took some deep breaths and reminded myself of the kind of person I want to be. It was really hard! And, it is scary that the line between goodness and malice is so fine. I saw that line in myself and I was reminded of the anger and bitterness that grows within people and makes them sick. I stuck to my resolve and I left the house in an untampered condition - repeating to myself to act with compassion.
I know that I am not alone in this. After I wrote my last post, touching on the struggle I was going through, I received a personal message from someone I interacted with back in the day, who I have since lost touch with. In their message, they apologized for lashing out at me on the internet in response to my blog post. I didn't have the opportunity to read what they wrote, as they removed it quite quickly after writing it, but apparently they had been set off by reading about my problems and after experiencing a terrible, personal loss, had responded "distortedly". I wanted to write about this because though I can never begin to imagine what they are going through, I believe that this is a common reaction, especially when in the internet world we are seeing the juxtaposition of our lives and others quite blatantly. This can be a disheartening challenge in and of itself, but certainly when you have experienced something horrible in your own life and then you see on the interwebs, people lamenting about their own issues that are so far from your own. It can be extremely isolating and, shit, the Facebook world is totally distorted. So, what I have to say about this, and what I continue to believe, is that we are all going through our own battles and struggles - daily. Sometimes it pertains to bad days, relationship strain or serious loss, however on some scale, we are all in this limbo of struggle. If we respond to this in a distorted and unhappy way, I understand. If we are weakened by the magnitude of the weight that we carry, I get it. It is okay. I just wish for love, positivity and for all people to mend.
I feel the cool morning air swimming through my new space. Reflecting on challenges behind me in conjunction with an awareness of a heightened sense of my own strengths and weaknesses, I know that there will be more to address, more to shoulder. No matter what trials we face, we will be forced to consider who we are, what we are made of and who we want to be. It isn't easy and sometimes we need a little bit of compassion and a helping hand.
I feel the cool morning air swimming through my new space. Reflecting on challenges behind me in conjunction with an awareness of a heightened sense of my own strengths and weaknesses, I know that there will be more to address, more to shoulder. No matter what trials we face, we will be forced to consider who we are, what we are made of and who we want to be. It isn't easy and sometimes we need a little bit of compassion and a helping hand.
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