Traveling With Your Head At Home

It doesn't matter if you are sipping long islands on a tropical beach, climbing a high mountain peak, or backpacking across the Asian continent, you can participate in all of these activities and still never be there. 

Never be there? Now, I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Nicola, what on earth are you talking about? Umm, are you going through some sort of metaphysical crisis over there?"


Well, maybe I am, the jury is always out on that one, but on a very simplistic level, I'm merely attempting to discuss the fact that our physical bearings have little to do with the location of our thoughts. I mean this in the sense that commonly, people travel with their head at home; though experiencing new and exciting things, their ties to their home prevent them from ever submitting to the entirety of their adventure. Family, boyfriends/girlfriends, jobs, and responsibilities back "home", prevent people from ever getting "involved" with their new location. Yeah, they see some sights, take some pictures, start feeling tough and adventurous, maybe attempt some new words, eat some weird food, and get a little lost in the hustle and bustle of a new city, yet, everyday, their head is in America or elsewhere.

Sure, we can not divorce ourselves from our homes - our homes are in us, they are what contribute to the magic of traveling - the culture clash, the chaos of it all, the unexpectedness, the changes that are inspired within us, the growth, and the lessons that are picked up along the way, are only made possible through our remarkable and individual selves. We think that changing location gives us a "fresh start", that we are able to "start over" and reinvent ourselves. I say, "bullshit". Life and its experiences mold us into the individuals we are. In my opinion, we don't have the option of a "clean slate", not ever, but we can dramatically influence outcomes by imputing or applying our experiences and lessons in a way that results in change and personal growth, thus creating a new sense of self.

We can not, however, lose who we are. I can't stop being me or sever the heart strings that tie to me various places around the world. This is kind of like Vigo Mortensen in the film, A History of Violence. Though Vigo claims that he "killed" his alter ego, mafia killer self, in the desert and therefore transformed into a model citizen, he still smashes people in the face with a pot of coffee during a diner holdup at the beginning of the movie, therefore demonstrating to us that though he makes choices to alter the course of his life more towards being a good father and less like The Godfather, he never truly rids himself of his past. Now, I'm not saying that people who once ran with the likes of Vigo Mortensen are destined to be stalked by Ed Harris for the entirety of a Blockbuster film, but I do believe that everything that happens to us, every experience we have, contributes to who we are at the very core.

 So, traveling with your head in another place, eh? Well, with Skype, the iPhone, Facebook, and in general, the internet web that crisscrosses the planet, it is very easy to stay "plugged in" to life at home. You can be texting your bros back home while bumping along in the back of a tuk-tuk as it careens through Thai traffic. You can Skype your boyfriend every morning and night, giving him hourly updates via Facebook about the shenanigans of developing nation living, if you so choose, but it's your decision. It's the focus or the priority that we give to other places - hey, before I moved to Thailand, my head was already here, meaning, I had checked out of being in America. I knew I was checked out, because it was beginning to matter less what was happening around me there and I began planning for life abroad. Well, now I'm experiencing that in reverse. With two weeks left, I'm checking out. I'm beginning to tune out of Thailand and I'm working hard to keep my head on the island. Though my time here has been remarkable and has changed me tremendously, due in large part to my submission to all aspects of Thailand life, sticking in more than just a toe from even the beginning, I'm finally feeling ready to leave. I'm finally feeling like I'm reading the final chapter of a good book, and I'm satisfied.

I used to judge people who came to other places and didn't ever submit to the place - wondering to myself why they were wasting their time, but I understand now how it happens. If I only had a week or month in a new place, perhaps my head would still be floating around, thousands of miles away, in my home, however, I believe that we should fight to be present where we are, take the experiences as they come to us, and leave the future to tend to itself. You miss a lot of beauty when you close your eyes and dream of someplace else. You have to let yourself be present. Otherwise, why not just change the screen saver on your computer to a Hawaiian sunset and stare at that for a bit. Hey, you could even change your Facebook banner to something adventurous and it would save you a whole lot of money and time feeling jet lag.

All of which I was almost ready to do. I even concluded a conversation with a friend today, reiterating my previous "head back in America thoughts" -  I don't really care what I do over the next two weeks before I leave. I said, "I've already done so much here, I'm happy with what I've seen and what I've done. I can just go quietly now." I was typing with her online, trolling on Facebook, and thinking about friends back home, when I glanced up to see the sun was beginning to set. Closing my computer, I stood up to search out my hiking shoes before tramping next door to get my neighbor's dog. I needed to fulfill some pet sitting obligations and take it out for a walk. The little dog was thrilled to see me and I barely got her on the leash before she was pulling me towards the complex system of hiking trails that cover the mountain where I reside. With the dog leading the way, we weaved through the papaya trees and past groups of mangosteens decorating the jungle. We zigzagged over thick vegetation glowing vibrantly and glittered with freshly sprinkled raindrops. Drinking in the peaceful dusk air that encased us, we traipsed over the rolling hills and down a steep hill to an open meadow. Right as we reached the clearing, I stopped short; Jurassic Park/Dr. Seuss trees towered over head and I stood mesmerized by their size and fantastic shapes. I was baffled by the beastly trees, but not only because of their sheer greatness. Instead, I was astounded by the fact that this was my first time seeing them. I've been living on my hill for 6 months now, yet my "I've seen all I need to see" attitude, has somehow hindered me from experiencing the incredible environment around me. I didn't move for a couple of moments, I just gazed up at the trees and tried to take in the whole scene laid out in front of me. The jungle looked so beautiful and I was seized with happiness that I was experiencing it. Finally, the little dog grew impatient with my lack of motion and as darkness circled, we made our way back to the bungalows.

I was laughing to myself as I climbed the steps back to my house, laughing at my naivety.

"This world is so big, girl, you haven't even seen the beginning."

Even with 2 weeks left, I've got to remember to let myself be here. America will wait for me. In the meantime, I've got things to see and a little more Thailand living to do.