Understanding the daily struggles of a wealthy suburbanite family is no small feat. Oh, there's the children, the school obligations, the whole spousal sexual relationship to think of, and, of course, pool cleaning, financial responsibility, BMW driving, and catered parties to attend to. In the film, 'This is 40', we are brought into a glamorized world where cupcakes are bountiful, personal trainers are on hand, and yet, despite the glitz and the glamor, sadly, life's little challenges and disappointments stand true. Or, in this instance, are thrown in your face.
Though I laughed out loud at many of the comic relief moments (in particular the outtakes), I was a little baffled when I walked out of the movie. My friend asked rhetorically, "Aren't you happy you aren't stressed out after watching that movie and aren't desensitized to violence?", referring to the fact that he had campaigned heavily to see 'This is 40' instead of 'Django Unchained', stating that the comedic relief in the film, Django Unchained, was used to make the audience laugh at the overwhelmingly violent scenes, a technique that had made him uncomfortable during his viewing of the movie. Though I haven't seen the Tarantino production, I couldn't help but think that the romantic comedy, I had just viewed, was doing something of the same thing.
What didn't sit right with me was the way that the couple treated one another. Tension runs high in the film, escalating to incredibly painful interactions between the two characters, as the movie attempts to explore the "reality" of midlife relationships. But, the problem I have is that, actually, it really does make me stressed out to watch characters delve into their complex relationship drama and inability to communicate with one another in front of the audience, repeatedly, and without restraint. I think it is violent to treat people with disrespect and for that to be set on a stage, mixed into American dreams, so that the audience leaves the theater attempting to relate it to their relationship drama or how their own personal goals for success, family, and life in general, align with the movie's portrayal of what's desirable. It makes me think, "Is watching a destructive relationship acted out on the big screen, really any less violent than seeing a person pulled apart by dogs in Django?" Spoiler Alert. Whoops.
My friend and I talked after the movie about couples and the way that healthy communication is fostered. He told me that his parents were both incredible communicators. I laughed. (His parents are both therapists.) But, what about all of us non-therapists? In an article I read in The Telegraph, "romantic comedies make us unrealistic about relationships". They say this is because though many people understand that relationships take hard work and open communication, many movie viewers internalize unrealistic expectations about relationship perfection.
'This is 40' doesn't portray a perfect relationship, but it does glamorizes a certain kind of relationship. Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd live an idealized life that looks perfect on the outside. While the audience is distracted by shiny houses and cars, stressful social interactions are downplayed, emotionally destructive relationship squabbles occur, the audience is drawn in to laugh at communication failures, accepting them as part of "the deal", and finally, we forget about the fact that the characters never achieve any emotional growth on either the individual or the relationship level. After all, these kinds of movies are successfully marketed to a certain demographic that may, too easily, accept these elements without ever stopping to think about the functionality of the relationship being shown. So, there is a market for this. This is made to be presented as "normal life" and I think that's kind of a big deal.
My sister harped, "It's just a movie; you don't have to think about it so seriously." Well, if we aren't critical about "rom-coms" where are we left? Are we supposed to accept that? If the report in The Telegraph, on university research findings, holds true and many of us are becoming unrealistic about our understanding of relationships, doesn't exposure to relationship drama, desensitize us to it and therefore have almost equal or larger implications in our lives as being desensitized by physical violence?
Whatever, yeah, it is just a movie, and maybe I've just got beef with rom-coms, but I truly do believe that, on a real level, we should not laugh off bickering arguments, or bicker-ments, if you will, as just the way people are. We should not accept disrespect as run of the mill, familial push and pull. I believe that we have to act with love and we have to be ruthless in our demand for love and peace in our interactions. Regardless of financial or social standing, "love" is a daily struggle and I think to accept the movie solely as a rom-com without being critical leaves us in a similar state as Django, watching relationship warfare, unchained.
No comments:
Post a Comment