Connect The Dots Last

We wandered, we WWOOFed, and we ended up in Arcata. Now, 1,414 miles away from Santa Fe, NM, we are beginning to wonder what is next.

Phil and I embarked on the journey with the dream of traveling...just traveling. Setting off, our grandiose scheme looked like a connect the dots image and involved exploration of South America. So, when we ended up closer to Canada than Chile, I was a little uncertain. I hadn't anticipated really moving anywhere until "Bessie", the name of Phil's car (a '95 Nissan SX), broke down yet again, thus warranting a third visit to the mechanic in a month. With financial stress and coastal fog looming over us as we walked aimlessly around the picturesque community of Arcata - waiting for Bessie's diagnosis - we decided that we had better not push it and that Arcata might not be the worst place to be stuck.

Luckily, there are wonderful people here and a mindset that we share. This makes it easier to stay in Arcata, but doesn't change the fact that we had grown accustomed to being the vibrant travelers who were wandering, aimless, and so flexible that we just had to point to a map to find the next stop. Now, finding the "next stop" is more metaphorical than physical and is unfolding differently for the two of us.

Phil is on his game. He loves the fact that he's in Humboldt County, is applying to Humboldt State University (due to this mutually shared passion to be angsty and write about it), and finds the outdoor community and liberal thinkers a refreshing change of pace. It is exciting to see him finding his way and even more wonderful that he found a job at a fancy-pants-cafe where he can wield barista skills until his heart's content.

I'm a little different; I never anticipated moving to northern California. I saw myself stopping through to see "what's good" before globe trotting in some foreign place - certainly not paying rent and looking for a job. Yet, I really like Arcata; it reminds me of Flagstaff in a lot of ways, a place where I spent four amazing years during college. In fact, I reread a poem I wrote about Flagstaff and the feelings inspired seemed so applicable to Arcata. That should be a comfort, shouldn't it? If I have found a place similar to a place I once loved, shouldn't I be happy? Instead, I am restless. I have a concern that I have done this step already. I worry that there isn't anything here that can help me grow and that this isn't the place where I will find my passion.

As I trolled Craigslist, looking for potential work/job opportunities, I felt the frustration of the process and the restlessness of my spirit growing. Then, I realized that I was getting down on myself unnecessarily. Didn't I just write a post about having to be creative in new settings? In fact, Phil and I made it all the way out here and found our footing only when we started investigating different ways to make ends meet. It was critical that we got creative. What we found was that sometimes the answer isn't straightforward, but looks more like a connection that develops as an inroad, or an opportunity that comes from an alternative pursuit. The two of us learned to be creative when fixing Bessie left us without the funds necessary to put down a deposit and move into a place, finding that without the ingredients for A + B = C, we needed a new recipe. And, that's where I am again.

I thought that I could just be an aimless traveller, out exploring without any of the "hard stuff", but interestingly enough, I am being challenged in an new way. I am now trying to find something that I can be passionate about and inspired by, even if it doesn't have a familiar shape. Though our original plan involved points in South America, perhaps the new dots (made possible only by being in Arcata) will create a more beautiful or interesting image than I ever could have imagined. Too often we try to be so rigid with our outline, that we forget about the opportunity to color.

We may have ended up here due to Bessie, but perhaps it is a blessing. Though stuck, I'm still wandering. Though traditionally about dots and lines, I'm picking up colors and metaphorically searching for my next stop. Connect the dots last.