Christmas: I Lost Sight of What Was Important

Potted Christmas tree - an idea I'm actually really into...

Christmas Eve: Phil and I are outside of the bank. We had wanted to deposit his paycheck, so we could buy delicious things to eat on Christmas day. But, the bank is closed and no deposit is made. When we return home, I see that my mom has made a financial contribution to my bank account for Christmas. Still determined to make our Christmas plans a reality, I put the paycheck issue behind us, and we set off to the grocery store to get our supplies.

At the check-out counter, I enter the wrong pin. (Guess it's been awhile since I last used my New Mexico bank card...) Flustered, I try a different pin - in a packed store - with everyone waiting. It's not correct. We abandon the groceries, promising to return. We walk the four blocks back to the house and check the account. I was using the wrong card! We go to the ATM; I withdraw cash; we return to the grocery store; we wait in line again; our groceries are successfully purchased.

Because we are far away from home during the holidays this year, the only thing I was counting on was being able to fix a special meal with Phil. During a time when the most important things are tradition or some semblance of festivities, I had a plan to bake and cook; I wanted to make the day a little magical. Phil brushed off the elaborate shopping trip as soon as we hit resistance, making corny comments about us and love and things too gushy to repeat. I, on the other hand, felt disappointment - which transformed into agitation, stress, and frustration.

I had lost sight of what was important. Phil told me that the reason the cashier had been short with us was because many people go to the grocery store on Christmas Eve, can't pay for their groceries, back up lines trying every payment method available, and then leave (promising to return), but without the money or the intention to make it back for the perishable items left sitting at the register. When things began to be stressful, I asked myself if I could be happy even if we ended up abandoning "Christmas food". It's true that we could have just returned home and put together ingredients - that we already had - for a different, still delicious meal. And, yes, I could have been okay with that, but I didn't want to have to be. I had gotten so tied up in an idea of what I needed for Christmas, but in actual fact, all I needed was what I already have: a roof over my head; love in my heart.

We didn't have a big Christmas filled with stacks of presents and family pouring in from around the country, but we had a really wonderful day together. We baked family-recipe-cookies, made crab cakes for breakfast, and cooked a bubbling, aromatic pot of cioppino, an Italian seafood soup - filled to the brim with crab, fish, and shrimp. It really was incredible. We were so thankful that we were able to have the meal that we had planned on, but it wasn't what really mattered. What matters is that I have someone who lends me strength, is my support through hard times, kisses my face when I worry, and makes me feel loved and happy, no matter the day. I am grateful for what I have and I was reminded of how lavish that truly is. I hope everyone, regardless of location or financial standing, had a holiday filled with love and happiness. Merry Christmas.